I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize