i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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