dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
