it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
