I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Say something about gay babies.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
