Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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