hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Are my feet made of real feet?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
