Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
