Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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