I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
