Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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