u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
