I wish my penis had an off switch
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
