I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
