honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
