i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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