Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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