I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
