So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
