11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you would pick up someone in the library
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
