Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just blew my weed a kiss
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
