My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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