you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
