a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
