woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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