That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
