If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I love you. Go after that dick
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