all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
