I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
