Dual....:-)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
