We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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