is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
