Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
