Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
