You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
