this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
