Its about making memories worth repressing
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
