God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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