I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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