And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
