thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize