I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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