I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
