Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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