The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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