I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
