One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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