For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
