Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
