he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
