So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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