I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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