when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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