2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Where is the hickey?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize