I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize