he shaved USA in his pubs
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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