and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
