Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
