Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
