OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
