I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
