Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
