3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
