dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
