Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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