So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize