We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize