Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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