i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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