Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
this is an emotional support booty call
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
