The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
