Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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