About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
