Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
