what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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