Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
