dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
