Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
