i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
