I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
