I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
