tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
