Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
