I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
