My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
